Have you ever been in such a dilemma, when you are unable to make a decision where you should have said No but for the sake of not sounding selfish you said Yes? Surely many of us have faced it. People usually tend to associate the word 'NO' with negative emotions such as argument, hatred, anger and hurt feelings.
Many people hesitate to say No, worrying about triggering a defensive reaction from the listener, especially when the listener is an elder or a senior or they don’t want to sound selfish. There is a fair possibility that in the process of saying No, alternate perspectives will allow you to make more informed decisions.
Our inability to say No makes us procrastinate work or decisions. Sometimes we just say Yes just to sound nice. For example, you work in a company as a software engineer already having a lot on your plate when your closest friend or colleague requests you to do a task on his behalf maybe before he is taking the rest of the day due to numerous reasons. In such scenarios, one often says yes for the sake of friendship ending up damaging either his own work or the friend’s work or something that was to be done in the time after finishing her own work. It feels good on one hand to say yes but on the other hand, every time you say yes to something you are saying no to something else that you could be doing with your time.
Here are few ideas to know how to say 'NO'. Also, presenting the perspective of the importance and possible benefits of saying 'NO'.
Importance of Saying No
Jessica Jackley the co-founder and CEO of Profound, Co-founder & CMO of Kiva Organization said, "Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do." Every NO, you make with strength and clarity will add up to one big chest in your results over time. To be transparent about the utilization of your time you have to say No to tasks given by others that are of less significance or priority. It not only helps you grow in terms of efficiency and effectiveness but also filters out the best in your relationships. Jony Ive, former industrial, product and architectural designer of Apple, shared an incident in an interview and said that often Steve Jobs would come in the morning when they started working, and of the first things he would ask Jony was "How many times have you already said no today?" Jony told that his goal was to try to make sure that he had a laser-like focus on the most important things.
Benefits of Saying No
Saying no is the toughest task sometimes, but if you develop this most of the time management strategies will work effectively. Instead of feeling guilty be happy that you are not over committed.
Surprisingly, saying No also affects the bonding in any relationship. With appropriate communication and interpersonal skills, one can have a beautiful bond that values the word No.
Saying No has a huge impact on key priorities, we can develop laser like focus on self-improvement and self-growth.
Saying No plays a very important role in Managing Stress.
How to say 'No'
Be Honest
While communicating your feelings about a person or a situation, clarity and assertiveness are the best tool. One has to be clear about his own thoughts and reason of saying No as well as convey them with the similar clarity. It is important to know whom you are dealing with and accordingly communicate what you feel about the person or situation along with the reason of your denial.
The YES MAN Syndrome
While saying yes to others make sure you are not saying no to yourself. A good trick sometimes is to be able to say "Thanks for asking I am going to think about that and I'll get back to you" or something along those lines to give yourself a chance to step aside and think is it something you want to do or not. It is also necessary to remember that you don't always have to have a reason of saying No. Its ok to say no without any reason.
Plant Perspectives
Always tie your ideas and suggestions to goals. Provide another person with actionable suggestions rather than simply saying No. Explain how your ideas could help people and situations in tough times and show them the way at the same time clarifying that you are not getting involved. This is one way to sustain the feeling of not completely denying to a person or proposal at the same time saving yourself from an overload.
Mind your tone
The tone of voice refers to the volume, intensity, the type of emotion you communicate, and the words you emphasize when you speak. Don't express denial rudely. Modulate your voice tone to polite and humble while denying it sounds respectful. Avoid the dreaded monotone. Smile while speaking, it brings an element of friendliness, warmth, and approachability to your voice.
Be Assertive
To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough. Being assertive ensures that people perceive your needs and stance as important. Too many tasks on the platter can also disrupt you. Hence, prioritize. People do not prioritize their needs and feelings, and end up being people pleasers.
Delegate to Save Time
Delegation simply means getting a task done by distributing work among colleagues rather than working on it yourself. When properly executed, it helps save time and effort. After successful completion of a delegated task, do not forget to appreciate the individual for their work.
Takeaway Message
Saying No is usually a very awkward process. At the junction when a person or proposal is right in front of you and you are 100% sure that you want to say No… it becomes difficult to just say it. We know we should say it now and say it loud but are unable to due to lot of inner voices that play around in our mind and heart.
At such times, calming those inner voices and considering the worst-case scenarios one can acquire this unique skill of saying No. Clear communication, assertiveness, proactiveness and planning are acquired as experience comes.
Plunge into situations where you can practice saying No and probably with time, it will take you to places which you wanted to achieve in this life.
Say ‘no’ when you must. Respectfully say no or renegotiate the commitment you know you can't keep. 'NO' is not a negative word, sometimes saying 'NO' can save you from life's greatest pains.
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