“Intimacy is not purely physical. It's the act of connecting with somebody so deeply that you feel like you can see into their soul”. - Reshall Varsos
Intimacy is usually associated with mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. It's common in intimate, loving relationships like marriages and friendships. The term is also used to describe sexual interactions, although intimacy does not have to be sexual. In a romantic relationship, intimacy is typically developed through time. While new relationships may include intimate moments, developing long-term intimacy is a slow process that takes patience and communication. Some people face fear of intimacy. People who are afraid of intimacy may not typically want to avoid it, and may even crave it, but they often push people away, or even damage relationships.
Types of Intimacy
Intellectual Intimacy
Intellectual intimacy is the act of sharing your views and skills. Your thoughts, dreams, fears, and experiences can all contribute to intellectual intimacy. Your partner is trusting you with their secrets when they disclose who they are on the inside, and connect intellectually with you. The barrier that protected their hearts has been removed. A great example would be a couple that shares the same interests/hobbies, or have a similar occupation. It can feel like when you are on the same page mentally, with your partner, feeling understood, being respectfully challenged, and expanding each other's perspective.
Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy is expressing love or desire through physical touch. A desire for touch is often innate, and an intense driver for bonding. A couple must explore the kinds of physical they enjoy apart from sex. Partners must understand that touching the other partner only for their own pleasure rather than how they want to be touched can break physical intimacy. Physical touch should not be initiated only for sex. Touching, cuddling, holding hands, and yes, sex, kissing, and other sexual activities are all part of it. Physical closeness is essential for long-term love partnerships.
Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is the connection that requires people to be curious, receptive, tune into emotional experiences together, explore each other's vulnerabilities, and make an effort to understand the other person’s perspective. Couples should explore each other's needs and support them. Couples should discuss how each of the partners like to be comforted when facing a low in life. We tend to confide in individuals we have faith in. That doesn't mean they always give us what we want to hear, but we trust that nothing we discuss in confidence will be repeated. We also don't expect them to minimize, or dismiss our feelings.
How to build Intimacy?
Building Intellectual Intimacy
Attitude- People are generally drawn to, and form bonds with those who share their outlook. If you have or seek a positive attitude, you will be drawn to someone with a good attitude. If you are a pessimist, you will be drawn to others who have pessimistic perspectives.
Values and Interests- Most couples bond over values and beliefs. People who follow the same belief systems are more likely to trust each other, and connect intellectually.
Reading together- Books are the most effective approach to broaden one's horizons, and expand one's vocabulary. And, in all honesty, there's no better way to bond than by reading classic romance novels together. Having a weekly book club is the most effective method to get more intellectually connected. You and your spouse should choose to read novels that are in the same genre.
Building Physical Intimacy
Offering a hand massage or neck massage while hanging out together.
Holding hands in public making each other feel physically connected around other people can help increase a sense of safety and ultimately increases intimacy.
Ensure that sexual activities are performed by the consent of both the parties and it is pleasurable to both as well. However, over the course of a relationship, it's common for couples to have sex less frequently. Its only remedy is to try something fun, to get out of the comfort zone with your partner, and explore new ways to pleasure each other.
Building Emotional Intimacy
Couples must share how they feel about the other’s opinions, individual experiences, hopes, desires and values.
Best way to gain trust is through uncomfortable conversations. When we are vulnerable in front of someone, they might share their own such experiences or feelings, and this gives a feeling of security.
Be a listener! Nothing is as important as listening to your partner. Most of the time we just need someone to listen to us, and not give any advice. So it's best to ask your partner when they are sharing an issue, whether they want to listen, or would like advice on the topic.
Self Intimacy
SELF INTIMACY is about being aware of your own feelings, caring about those feelings, and sharing them with your partner. Allowing someone to see you as you actually are while also allowing yourself to see that person as he or she truly is, is what personal closeness is all about. To be intimate with a partner, one must know themselves first completely. Here are a few tips to help you practice self-intimacy:
Take emotional responsibility for your actions, and choose to respond in ways that are both good and productive. Be emotionally transparent with yourself, and trust your instincts.
Start with what makes you happy, since practicing self-intimacy doesn't have to be a time-consuming chore. So, start scheduling time for enjoyable activities.
Remember that you must first love yourself in order to accept love from others. Allow yourself to silence your inner critic so you can hear all of the positive things you, and others have to say about you.
Make yourself more sexually aware of your desires, and areas of pleasure. Before entering a sexual relationship, you must first discover what satisfies you. It's your awareness that will allow you to see what's lacking.
Journaling is a must! Just jot down your ideas at the end of the day while you're sitting alone with your thoughts. Make a list of what made you happy today, what provoked you, and what you want to improve about yourself. This will assist you in waking up the next day with a positive outlook on those activities.
Takeaway Message
Allow yourself to express and explore your deepest feelings and ideas with someone you love and trust. Intimacy does not have to be limited to romantic relationships; in fact, having some amount of intimacy in all of your relationships is beneficial. After being vulnerable and open to the right person, you will feel safe and happy.
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