How often are you kind to yourself, and think you're fine as you are?
Many of us have a tough time accepting ourselves as we are. Some days it's easy, and some days we find ourselves complaining, as well as questioning everything about ourselves. Therefore, it is said that self-acceptance is a lifelong journey. ‘Self-acceptance’ is the act or state of understanding, and recognizing one's own abilities, and limitations. The feeling of satisfaction with yourself, despite flaws, and regardless of past choices. The definition of self-acceptance varies for each one of us. It depends on our personal experiences, and struggles that life has given us. A teenage girl might be going through body image issues, and can learn to accept her body as it is, or a businessman might be dealing with losses, and can learn that succeeding and failing are both important aspects of life.
“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.” – Diane Von Furstenberg
Imagine being in a relationship where a partner keeps judging your behavior, criticizing your efforts, ignoring your true feelings, and trying to change you all the time. You wouldn't be happy in that relationship at all. Then why maintain such a relationship with yourself? Constantly hating ourselves for our past thoughts and actions can do nothing well, instead, accepting the past can help us enjoy our present, and strongly deal with whatever comes in the future.
Obstacles in Self-Acceptance
Self-Betrayal
When we deny our own needs, thoughts, emotions, etc. so that we can gain approval, and love from others. This is a self-sabotaging behavior that is a learned response from past experiences in life. While growing up, if you had to deny your true feelings, thoughts, and needs to get love from others, this behavior might carry into adulthood.
Unrealistic Expectations
We tend to set high expectations that sometimes may be unrealistic. Expectations do not guarantee anything. Having aspirations is different, and having expectations is different. Expectations are all about satisfying one’s ego by reaching a certain level above someone, or something whereas aspiration is about helping ourselves become more than what we are in the pursuit of happiness.
Fear of giving up!
To most people self-acceptance is to give up on your faults and weaknesses, and stop trying to change them, that you settle for less and never hope for growth. This is incorrect, and people often misinterpret self-acceptance for surrendering to their failures. The truth is that self-acceptance is the opposite of giving up, it actually means to be stronger, and face the difficulties, as well as having the capacity to handle them correctly.
Critical or Confused?
When we constantly criticize ourselves, or we are confused about our identity it becomes difficult to accept ourselves for who we are. Being self-critical can also make you avoid taking risks as you fear failure, and you tend to run away from such situations. Constantly comparing yourself with others, and typically coming up short can make you confused about your capabilities. This might in turn never make you satisfied with your achievements. Self-criticism makes us the villain of our own stories.
Now, How to overcome these obstacles?
Think before judging yourself!
Understand that the people we interact within our daily life, and the people we look up to, all have a separate life of their own. This means that they have different sets of goals, experiences, capabilities, and their own shortcomings as well.
So it is best to accept the way you are because you do not have the same life as theirs, and neither any of the aspects of their life will be the same as yours. Thus, before judging or comparing yourself with anyone, consider this thought, and you will eventually realize that you are doing great in your own way! Notice self-criticism, and speak to yourself with love and compassion.
Choose your company wisely!
Be around people who celebrate your strengths, and help you get over your weaknesses. Interact with people who inspire you to be who you want; this will increase your self-acceptance. These people are confident about whoever they are, and they help us look at our positive traits which form a balanced perspective for us. Uplifting others, when needed, is also a form of self-acceptance as it makes us feel good about ourselves.
Awareness of your own beliefs
Allow yourself to voice your true opinions despite others who may disagree. Maintain a transparent relationship with your own mind by self-reflecting, and accepting your thoughts and feelings completely. By practicing this, you will realize how unique you are, and agreeing to people’s opinions for validation is just like following a herd of sheep! Having your own opinion does not always mean voicing it, it can also be kept to yourself as it helps you accept your internal experience.
Practice positive self-talk
Self-acceptance comes when we are ready to see the colors of life, and not put our thoughts and feelings as black or white only. Black and white thinking maybe like- “I should have...”, “why didn't I...”. This can also be known as self-invalidation. Catch yourself doing this, and turn it into positive self-talk, which is like- “It's okay, if I am feeling overwhelmed”, “This is an opportunity for me to try something new.” This will help you to notice difficult thoughts and failures, accept them, and create a sense of safety for yourself to work them through.
Gratitude & Forgiveness
Before going to bed every night, make a list of 3 things that you are grateful for. If you faced a failure, feel free to express gratitude for the learnings you got out of it. If you think you aren't perfect, then be grateful for your imperfections because those make you unique. There doesn’t have to be anything special going on in order to practice gratitude. Maybe it’s as simple as feeling grateful for your morning coffee, or for a good book. Explore this simple practice to appreciate the little things. Practicing gratitude can relieve stress, help us accept change, and most importantly it helps in boosting our mental health.
Takeaway message
“ Inhale acceptance, exhale expectations”
― Anonymous
In hard times and moments, this is a powerful technique to take care of ourselves. With each breath, we find a little bit more peace, courage, and wisdom. In releasing expectations for ourselves, others, and the world we can find greater peace. It's from a place of acceptance that we can also make far wiser, and more effective changes where needed, changes that serve us, and the greater good.
References
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-acceptance
https://positivepsychology.com/self-acceptance/
https://marisapeer.com/self-acceptance/
http://www.findyourpower.org/index.php/tag/self-acceptance/
https://www.happiness.com/magazine/personal-growth/self-acceptance/
https://motivationgrid.com/acceptance-obstacles-overcome-them/
https://www.psychreg.org/expectation-aspiration/
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