“Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself.” - Oprah Winfrey A 2009 study from the Journal of the National Medical Association surveyed 300 men and women, and they found that respondents with insufficient perceived social support were the most likely to suffer from mental health disorders like anxiety and depression.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is one where you begin to lose yourself, the essence of who you are as a person. It makes you feel dejected, unloved, emotionally drained and demeaned. In almost every facet of our lives, we become acquainted with someone or the other, and thus form a type of relationship with them. Be it family, friends, colleagues or our significant other. They play a very important role in how we perceive certain things, and deeply influence our behaviour and well-being. If someone in your life is causing you immense pain and displeasure, both mentally and physically, and spreads negativity, chances are that you are dealing with a toxic person.
Importance of maintaining healthy relationships
Having positive/healthy relationships is as important as having a nutritious rich meal and exercise for our mental health and well-being. Think of it as spending time doing the one thing you absolutely love, but with the best people in your life! People around whom you are the most comfortable, whom you show your puerile side to and feel the happiest, that boosts positivity and confidence. Maintaining good and healthy relationships is very important for our health. It reduces stress, boosts your happiness and can also help you to deal with certain phases or events in your life, wherein you don’t want to be alone, and the best thing is that you can absolutely, without even an inch of doubt, rely on them, because they have got your back, ALWAYS! Adults with a strong social network have reduced risk of depression, lower blood pressure and tend to maintain a healthier body mass index. Having healthy relationships with people also tend to set the perfect tone for a healthy lifestyle and overall well-being. It also promotes healthy habits. A study suggests that being lonely or not having a strong social support is as lethal as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, but having a strong social support promotes longevity.
Red Flags!
You are the best judge to decide whether a certain relationship or a person is toxic or not. Physical or verbal abuse is definitely a toxic trait, and it CANNOT be justified, no matter what. Some of the red flags may be:
Insecurity
Trust is the fundamental key to a successful and a healthy relationship. If your significant other/family members constantly call/text you to know about your whereabouts, and even after letting them know about your plans, ask to accompany you and always keep a check on who you talk to or meet with, that is a toxic behaviour. If you constantly feel as if you have no sense of freedom, and you are constantly looked at with suspicion, then it will definitely escalate your stress levels and you will never be happy in such a relationship.
Over Possessiveness
Merely being possessive about your friend/partner is not a toxic trait, however being over possessive about them is definitely a toxic trait. A healthy relationship is one where you can be yourself and have mutual respect for each other. If your partner/friend dictates your relationship, constantly tells you what to do, who to talk to, how to dress, monitors your texts/calls, in other words does not let you breathe, that is not a healthy relationship.
Feeling Devalued
A healthy relationship is one where both parties put in equal efforts. If you constantly feel as if you are giving more than you receive, in other words, you constantly have to reach out to them, but they ghost you and text you as per their convenience, that is a toxic relationship. You will constantly feel devalued and depleted. It will eventually take a toll on your self-esteem and mental health.
Lashing Out
Fights are normal between couples, friends, family members and even colleagues. However, the way they choose to react in such a situation is what distinguishes a healthy relationship from a toxic one. If someone constantly lashes out at you with unkind words, that make you feel as if your dignity has been stripped off and causes you a lot of pain, that is toxic. If someone constantly chooses to lash out, raise their voices, repeatedly, and inflicts pain than expressing their feelings, that is a major red flag.
Blame Game
In a healthy relationship, the people involved will accept their mistakes and would NEVER feel hesitant to apologize. However, if someone constantly blames you for their mistakes, and play the victim card, because of which you are burdened with guilt and as a result you apologize, for their mistakes, it is a toxic relationship.
These are some of the reg flags. In short, if you are getting emotionally drained, or if you have to constantly walk on eggshells around them, and if you feel much worse by talking to them, then it is time to cut them off from your life.
How to deal with toxic relationships
“Letting go of toxic people in your life is a big step in loving yourself.”
- Hussein Nishah
Cutting ties with them
The most important thing is for you to identify the toxicity. Once you have done that, you need to be firm and assertive and cut those toxic people off from your life. It is not easy, but at the end of the day, you have to realize that being with them affects your mental health deeply, and that is what you should be focusing on. If a relationship is weighing on you constantly or bringing you down significantly more than it's building you up, it’s time to let go.
Establishing Priorities
Prioritising things often goes a long way. Make a list of your priorities, and focus your energy on them. From childhood, we have been taught to be selfless. Selflessness is a good thing per se, but sacrificing your needs for a toxic person who doesn’t take into account your feelings and needs, is wrong. So, make a plan, understand what your goals are, and start your day on a positive note.
Saying No!
Saying no is very important. If you are uncomfortable doing something, then instead of making excuses for them and doing things for your partner/friend, learn how to say no. Always remember that in a healthy relationship, your partner/friend would never ask you to do things that make you uncomfortable.
Making small changes
Try to identify negative patterns, what triggers you, and make small and simple changes. Spend more time on your health and happiness. Focus on your body and mind.
Positive Affirmations
Wake up in the morning, stand in front of the mirror and say out loud, positive things about yourself, like: “I am doing my best and I am proud of myself.” They make you feel confident and also helps you in starting your day on a positive note.
Takeaway Message
Things might get hard but you have to remember that consistency is the key. You just need to find yourself amidst the chaos and know your worth. Spend time with the people who love you and treat you right and do the things you love, because your mental health matters. Just don’t exist, start living!
References
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